Taken from http://www.whispy.com1. Make up your mind about breaking up.
So many men announce the split and do the exhaustive post-mortem with their friends, only to confess to reconciliation several days later. By this time we've all heard about the 'partner's' horrible habits and weird relationship with mother and other intimate, personal details we'd really rather not have to know about at all. In some cases this sort of flip-flopping takes place repeatedly, for years on end. Spare your friends, at least: don't announce it's over until you're absolutely sure.
2. Don't be silent.
Sometimes people simply stop returning phone calls, figuring that this signals their lack of interest. One might think your phone has broken, although this is highly unlikely and he will assume you're not interested. However it is a timid thing to avoid the phone. You should be able to speak to someone you dated and even went to bed with. Ignoring the incessant ring of the phone can also be more nerve-wracking and bothersome than just answering it and explaining to him that it's over. And, ultimately, it is just plain bad manners to blank another person.
Keep the conversation simple, and don't bog down in details. But help your partner see that you *both* deserve people with whom you truly match up. Your partner deserves someone that can see his/her special aspects and truly appreciate them. If this is not you right now, then you would not be fair to your partner to keep the relationship going.
3. Don't Use the Phone to break up
Never leave a break-up phone message! That is a cop-out that saves you the "hassle" of dealing with another person's feelings. If you are afraid of how your soon-to-be-ex will handle the news, bring along a friend, but go in person. Your ex deserves it, and dealing with negative situations is a life skill that you will need yourself as you go through life.
4. Be clear.
Some people favor vague lines such as 'I need some space,' and 'I need to be alone for a bit' when finishing a relationship. You might think that drawing out the end over time is a gentle way of letting someone down. Instead, you'll be creating a more unpleasant and painful end. Don't give them hope. Be blunt. It's kinder.
5. Do your own dirty work.
Don't try to force someone to break up with you by becoming bitchy and unreasonable. Many men and women unhappy in their relationships start inventing absurd jealousies and complaints in an effort to push their boyfriend away. You may think this tactic lets you off the hook. In fact, it's cowardly. It draws out the inevitable, and creates bad vibes between you. Take responsibility for your dissatisfaction.
6. Stage the break-up carefully.
A breakup is usually not a pleasant affair. Don't have the "goodbye" talk in the middle of a restaurant, or at a friend's house. Find a quiet place where you both feel relatively comfortable, and spend time to talk about it. Don't just say "I've decided I don't like you any more - goodbye" and run out the door.
As far as location goes, restaurants and other public places are tricky because there's a slim chance there will be shouting or, worse, crying - both of which will be highly embarrassing. If you do choose a restaurant it should be one that's in a central location. Also, make sure to look your worst. Wear unflattering clothes, a bit of that sickly sweet cologne or perfume he/she hates, and top it all off with a touch of green face powder.Spend some time finding closure - admitting that you just don't care for the other person, and that it's best for you both to move on and find someone that can truly compliment you. After all, your ex won't want to be with someone who doesn't love him or her, so this is a good thing for you both.It won't be easy, and will probably be sad and anger-filled for you both. However, having this good closure will make the healing process much, much easier.
7. Cry if You feel like it.
Boys can cry out loud!!! If you're sob-prone, write it out. Never email or snail-mail a break up letter, but if you know you'll break down and be unable to talk, one option is to write out why you felt you had to break up, and bring the letter along. That way if you become unable to speak, you can still hand your partner the letter and sit while he or she reads it. Be there to talk about it (as best you can) and to answer questions, but this might help get you through the main part. As you tell them that, wonderful as they are it simply isn't working, no need to hold back tears. Just now their ego needs all the help it can get.
8. Offer a reason for the break-up
Here are three don'ts:
Don't make him feel he did something wrong that turned you off.
Don't make him feel that there is something wrong with his physical or emotional makeup that renders him unlovable.
Don't give him false hope that you'll change your mind.
You need not give the dumpee the real reason for the breakup - the mediocre sex; his whistling nose; his idiot friends - but you do need to offer a reason that's plausible. If all else fails, tell them that it's clear they're not happy, and they deserves to be with someone who can make them happy. This will confuse them, since they might well have been happy until you became dissatisfied. But it's the sort of thing they can repeat to themselves when it's over: I wasn't happy. And that will help him to justify the break-up.
9. If you do lie, lie well.
Do treat them with respect and answer his questions as honestly -- but diplomatically -- as possible. That way they can get closure. This hurts me more than it hurts you,' is disingenuous, because it never does. 'It's not you, it's me,' is far more credible, especially when followed by either of two statements: 'I want to get married, give up my job, and have a dozen babies' (if they are a free spirit), or 'I don't feel like I've slept with enough people in my life to settle down with one.' (if they're traditional). No need to initiate a break-up then - they'll head for the hills.
10. Avoid break-up sex.
That one last night of passion, 'for old time's sake,' might seem pretty tempting, but don't give in: it will only confuse him. The next morning, whilst you're retrieving your toys from his bathroom cabinet, he'll assume you've changed your mind and are off preparing breakfast. Trust me, it's messy.
11. The break-up guilt
Breaking up with someone is always painful. Hopefully you have been talking up until now and realize that something is not right in the relationship. If you have never given your partner a clue that you are unhappy, this should sound warning bells.
The exact same thing could happen in the next relationship. Be sure to talk about things that make you unhappy BEFORE you get to the break-up stage.However, let's assume you've talked about things, but they just won't fix, and you just aren't meant for each other. You will still feel guilty if you're the one who throws in the towel and says the relationship won't work. After all, you've both opened your hearts to each other, tried to make things work, tried to be there for each other, and now you're saying you don't want to try any more.
Realize that most relationships end in breakup - it takes a few tries before you manage to find the right partner. This is a normal thing. You gave it your best shot, and you simply weren't meant for each other. If you are honest and thoughtful in your breakup, then you have done both of you a favor. You are now free to find someone better suited for you, and your partner is now free to find someone new that is a perfect match.
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